Question: Why do people think it's ok to pry and demand personal information of me?

(Posted by: Robert Frost on 2009-03-19 14:50:01)

My dad and I discussed how rude people often demand to know if we are wearing contacts, have dentures, or dye our hair, etc. You get the idea. He just tells them "The answer is whatever you need it to be. " He thinks their idle curiosity is really a self- comparison, as if they are actually asking themselves "How do I stack up? " My sister says "If they can pry, they deserve a lie. " I don't have a pat answer. Every time I get blindsided with one of those prying questions, I have conflicting emotions. I could be rude in return, but I suspect that most people who ask impolite personal questions really don't know any better because of their upbringing. Sometimes I realize they are trying, in a clumsy way, to pay me a compliment and don't understand that it feels like I'm being stripped naked instead. I don't want to embarrass them or hurt their feelings, especially since I have to work with them. But on the other hand, if I don't let them know they've made me uncomfortable, they will think it's ok to continue this behavior. Oprah devoted a show to this problem once. I just wish other people would not assume that because they wouldn't mind sharing, doesn't mean every one else feels that way, too. My dream is that congress will enact a Good Boundaries Day!

Posted by: Rick on 2009-03-19, 14:54:02

You know, I'm really not offended if someone wants to know if I have contacts.

Posted by: Sergeles on 2009-03-19, 14:56:05

I would say that most people don't consider those to be personal questions. Seriously, no one cares if someone is wearing contacts, and in all reality they are just making conversation since its absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I don't see what the big deal is.

Posted by: Melbourne Boi 2 Man on 2009-03-19, 14:57:38

I would answer them honestly if they are curious, interest or both with me. However, I would tell them to get lost if they demand.

Posted by: RevRusty on 2009-03-19, 15:08:22

I agree 100% It's especially annoying when I order food and they ask for my first name! I am not on a first-name basis with total strangers. I usually tell them my first name is "Mister. " It's really funny when they get on the PA and announce, "Oh, Mister! Your order is ready! " Sounds like an old Jack Benny show. (OK, I just gave away that I'm old! :-) What to do when the checkout clerk asks for your phone number? I just say, "911. " If they want my zip code I tell them 90210.

Posted by: Nineveh on 2009-03-19, 17:21:10

I think it's a little weird that you see those particular questions as self-comparison since, as others have already said, it doesn't matter a bit whether you wear contacts or dye your hair. It doesn't make me feel better about myself to know that someone else's hair is naturally brown instead of red. (Then again, my contacts are purple and my hair is dyed burgundy, so maybe I'm just not the right kind of person to care.) Anyway, if you don't feel comfortable answering then just tell them that. Politely. You may perceive them as being rude, but I doubt that's their intent, so replying in a nasty way sinks not only to their level but below it. If you say something like, "I know you're not meaning to be rude, but questions like that feel really personal to me and I just don't feel comfortable answering them, " they'll understand your feelings on the matter but probably won't get offended unless they're overly sensitive. Honesty and politeness make a pretty good combination for almost any situation.